So today, we are trying to find out why are a lot of ladies still single. yes,we are going in straight today. Are we single because we dream of wanting the perfect guy,one who does not even exist,and we forget to face the realities of life? or is there something wrong with all the brothers out there?
I am still single,and Ive been told severally that its probably because i set my standard too high,and that I need to lower it because it might be affecting me negatively.But is there really anything like setting your standard too high?should I settle for less because I want to get married quick? Is it wrong to want the best? believe the answer to that question is a resounding NO. there's nothing wrong in wanting the best,but you have to know where to draw the line between watching too many romance flicks and facing the realities of life.
Every woman/man wants someone who will complement them where they are lacking and under no circumstance should any woman compromise this just because she wants to get married,we all know where that will lead to: A DIVORCE.
Now,in searching for our supposed Mr right,there are basic things to watch out for: Is he hard working? honest? focused? God-fearing? respectful? does he encourage your dreams? is he one who constantly puts you down? does he ask for your opinion on things? does he carry you along on things? these are just some of the things one should look out for in a life partner. Don't get me wrong o,there's nothing wrong in wanting a handsome ,rich and sexy looking guy,but should those be his only qualities? is it enough to marry a person based on their physical attributes? a colleague of mine who got married a couple of months ago is currently bemoaning the fact that his wife practically has no idea of what to do with a home.when I asked him why he married her,he said he was captivated by her beauty,so i told him to stop complaining and enjoy his beautiful wife.And that's where most of us women get it wrong,we wait so long in the hope that some handsome and extremely rich prince will come and sweep us off our feet,that we wake up one morning and realize that we are 35 and still single,with no clue as to how or why we are still single,if you find yourself in this category,then you really need to re-assess and re-prioritize your qualities in a man(Onyinye take note,though am not yet 35 sha).secondly,we really should stop looking for MR PERFECT.He doesn't exist,Mr perfect is the man i described in my last post,and i don't think any copies of such guys still exist in our world of today,they have all gone into extinction,rather,we should look for someone whose faults we can live with(after all all men come with a little fault,not from the manufacturer sha),but whatever you do,don't settle for less.
Now don't get it twisted o,am not saying one should not look for a handsome guy-God knows i pray for one daily-but there should be more beyond his looks. most times when you meet a man,you just go"i cant marry him" or "i ll love to marry him". why is that?we are repelled/attracted by what we see,,but it shouldn't end there,we should get to know him either ways and that should be the deciding factor,not his looks. some of us have a checklist or quadrants (as one of my readers said)that we we use to score men,but sometimes,we need to go outside our box,from experience sef,I've found out that most good looking guys are poorly behaved,so after a while with them you begin to wonder what you ever saw in them.
learn to look beyond the physical and you will find out that you begin to see people in a whole new light,give that guy a chance and there just might be a ring on your finger soon(Tavia,i see you,give that guy a chance) *winks*. And as one of my readers said,we should constantly ask ourselves this"are you worthy to be called someone's miss perfect?" that should be food for thought for the ladies"(Yetunde i hear you)
Lastly,don't diss anyone because you feel they have nothing to offer,or there's no connection. u gotta give it time,open your heart and let fate take its course,I believe that you should find someone you can grow into love,wealth and happiness with instead of finding instant love.
kisses.
Saturday, 14 July 2012
Been a while readers
Hello true touch makeover readers,
Its really been a while, u av not been hearing from me due to one thing or the other but i tell u that b4 the end of this month, u will be getting your normal gist's (*winks*) as usual. Abi nw cos me sef don miss u die here. i m sure u will all wnt to know wats wrong (hmmmmmmm, aproko) bt truely everything is fine. A wonderful weekend to u all.
Its really been a while, u av not been hearing from me due to one thing or the other but i tell u that b4 the end of this month, u will be getting your normal gist's (*winks*) as usual. Abi nw cos me sef don miss u die here. i m sure u will all wnt to know wats wrong (hmmmmmmm, aproko) bt truely everything is fine. A wonderful weekend to u all.
Language. A barrier in Love and Marriage
For a while now, I've been observing couples who marry partners of
different tribes to see if language is a barrier to effective
communication in love and marriage.
I recently stumbled across an interesting piece about “language barrier love” by dating coach Jag Carrao. In the article Carrao outlines the pros and cons of being in a relationship where the two people don’t speak the same language. On the face of it, it would seem like a recipe for disaster but Carrao says there are many advantages to having this type of communication gap.
I partly agree with Carrao’s opinion that when there is physical chemistry or a spark of mutual interest/curiosity the language barrier can kind of cut through the crap that often exists in dating someone who speaks your native language. But I think eventually the curiosity wears out and then it just becomes really tiring.
Having a language barrier may initially be a fun adventure, but it can mask some serious issues that may come back to haunt the couple down the line. In the initial stages of dating, people are generally on their best behavior. Throw in a language barrier and little things you would’ve easily noticed early on in another relationship with a person who speaks your language, may wind up going unnoticed or swept under the rug. For example, views about women, family, money, etc. Of course a lot of these bigger misunderstandings stem from sociocultural differences, not just the differences in language, but the language barrier may initially cover up these issues.
Let me bring it home. lets look deeply into some of the problems associated wit marrying someone from a different ethnic background from yours in Nigeria. I speak Ibo,so lets assume I marry a Yoruba man. what will we speak at home? Ibo? Yoruba?English? what will our kids speak? I do not understand Yoruba, I am not a fast learner when it comes to languages and if i don't understand Yoruba,what will i teach our kids? if we go to visit relatives,should they speak English because of me? will i keep asking him what they are talking about,or better still,i ll record the whole conversation and get him to translate it to me when i get home. we cant communicate privately in public,i cant communicate to my kids in private when people are there,this to me is one of the most terrible things ever. i remember when we were kids and we had a visitor,my mum could could comfortably tell us a secret or send us on an errand without her guest being the wiser. my neighbor is a classic example of couples with language being a barrier to effective communication. she is an igala woman and he is an ishan man. she does not understand a word of his language and he does not understand hers either,so they speak English even when they shouldn't,they fight in English,they quarrel in English and we hear things we should ordinarily not be privy to. their kids only speak English because the man has refused to let his wife teach them her language and she cant teach them his either.
now lets talk culture differences. my friend is from imo and she wanted to marry someone from Anambra and her father said a big no to that. why? different cultures. as a stranger to a new and totally different culture,one might find himself/herself suffering from culture shock and may find it really difficult to adapt. some of you might be familiar with the movie"not without my daughter" where an American woman who was used to being seen and heard got married to a man from the middle east,she was expected to cover up like their women and basically not be seen or heard. at first,she felt like love was enough to see them through,but eventually even the love cooled off and she was left to face reality.
Some of us find ourselves in situations like this,and most often than not,we feel love is all that matters. personally,i feel there's way more than just love to consider when going into a marriage union. so many other things should be taken into consideration,and this is just one of them.
I recently stumbled across an interesting piece about “language barrier love” by dating coach Jag Carrao. In the article Carrao outlines the pros and cons of being in a relationship where the two people don’t speak the same language. On the face of it, it would seem like a recipe for disaster but Carrao says there are many advantages to having this type of communication gap.
Among them are:Read the complete article here.
• No man-terrifying “relationship talks.”
• Fewer heated debates (about politics and religion)
• Less ambiguity about date logistics (aware of the language barrier, he nails down date/time/place to avoid any misunderstanding).
• Exotic charm of endearments uttered in a foreign tongue.
• And most importantly: less conversation, more kissing.
I partly agree with Carrao’s opinion that when there is physical chemistry or a spark of mutual interest/curiosity the language barrier can kind of cut through the crap that often exists in dating someone who speaks your native language. But I think eventually the curiosity wears out and then it just becomes really tiring.
Having a language barrier may initially be a fun adventure, but it can mask some serious issues that may come back to haunt the couple down the line. In the initial stages of dating, people are generally on their best behavior. Throw in a language barrier and little things you would’ve easily noticed early on in another relationship with a person who speaks your language, may wind up going unnoticed or swept under the rug. For example, views about women, family, money, etc. Of course a lot of these bigger misunderstandings stem from sociocultural differences, not just the differences in language, but the language barrier may initially cover up these issues.
Let me bring it home. lets look deeply into some of the problems associated wit marrying someone from a different ethnic background from yours in Nigeria. I speak Ibo,so lets assume I marry a Yoruba man. what will we speak at home? Ibo? Yoruba?English? what will our kids speak? I do not understand Yoruba, I am not a fast learner when it comes to languages and if i don't understand Yoruba,what will i teach our kids? if we go to visit relatives,should they speak English because of me? will i keep asking him what they are talking about,or better still,i ll record the whole conversation and get him to translate it to me when i get home. we cant communicate privately in public,i cant communicate to my kids in private when people are there,this to me is one of the most terrible things ever. i remember when we were kids and we had a visitor,my mum could could comfortably tell us a secret or send us on an errand without her guest being the wiser. my neighbor is a classic example of couples with language being a barrier to effective communication. she is an igala woman and he is an ishan man. she does not understand a word of his language and he does not understand hers either,so they speak English even when they shouldn't,they fight in English,they quarrel in English and we hear things we should ordinarily not be privy to. their kids only speak English because the man has refused to let his wife teach them her language and she cant teach them his either.
now lets talk culture differences. my friend is from imo and she wanted to marry someone from Anambra and her father said a big no to that. why? different cultures. as a stranger to a new and totally different culture,one might find himself/herself suffering from culture shock and may find it really difficult to adapt. some of you might be familiar with the movie"not without my daughter" where an American woman who was used to being seen and heard got married to a man from the middle east,she was expected to cover up like their women and basically not be seen or heard. at first,she felt like love was enough to see them through,but eventually even the love cooled off and she was left to face reality.
Some of us find ourselves in situations like this,and most often than not,we feel love is all that matters. personally,i feel there's way more than just love to consider when going into a marriage union. so many other things should be taken into consideration,and this is just one of them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)